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Topic: 38) The Battle of Cowpens

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38) The Battle of Cowpens


The Battle of Cowpens


The Battle of King's Mountain source North Carolina Office of Archives courtesy of NCPedia online

The Battle of Cowpens was, perhaps, the best planned and executed battle of the war. To show you that I really do know what I'm talking about, the National Center for Constitutional Studies actually agreed with me saying, Cowpens was, "the best American battle of the revolution."

Anyways, it resulted from Greene taking a gamble and dividing his forces, taking his troops one way and sending the Jackass the udder way, which confused the **** outta Cornholius who promptly chased Greene and sent Tarheels to chase some ass.

Predictably, Jackass Morgon didn't take a fancy to Tarheels on his flanks so he kicked his ass at the cow **** contest where his own militiamen - the wild cards - performed admirably as portrayed in Gibson's movie the Patriot (but he used the wrong flag in the film - the correct one is pictured above but North Carolina got the battlefield wrong - go figure). Morgan, like Allen, now thinks he's King **** of Turd Mountain, until he got wind that Cornholius wants a piece of him, so he promptly takes off screaming Bloody Mary the whole way (to Greene via dispatches) and almost **** a cow when Cornwallis actually caught up to him at the (Pussy!) Catawba river.

I want to take a detour here for a little bit. Militiamen were born and raised in the wilderness and traveled light and fast leaving, virtually, no trace of their passages. They were ghosts because they learned from the best. Morgan and his men had something like a 20 mile (full day) head start on Cornwallis. In what is, probably, the greatest logistical feat of the entire war, even above Knox's little artillery move to Boston,  Cornwallis manages to get a whole army of regulars to catch up to the best guerrilla fighters in the history of warfare next to the Red Man himself. That is a feat that would have had Alexander the Great and Napoleon Blownapart blushing in envy.

To continue. The only thing that saved Morgan and his men was yet another timely, freak, storm that turned the river after he crossed it into a raging, impassable, "maelstrom" (Fereling). He, like Allen, was sidelined after this for the rest of the war - flaming hemorrhoid or something to that effect.


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