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Topic: 37) The Battle of King's Mountain

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37) The Battle of King's Mountain

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The Battle of King's Mountain

KingsMountain.jpg

Gathering of Overmountain Men by Sycamore Shoals by Lloyd Branson

The Battle of King's Mountain otherwise known as King **** on Turd Mountain (that name didn't make it into the establishment's histories and, for some reason, is also lacking in the revisionist's accounts, so I figured I'd better put it in mine to set the record straight), was a kick in the balls to the Loyalist in the south who had been taking up arms against the rebel yell and put a serious hair up Cornholius' Dilberry Maker over conscriptions or, in this case, lack thereof.

Dan Morgan took the fight to Major Fairy's Son (Ferguson whom, by the way, had a golden opportunity to cap George while out hunting in Brandywine having, literally, had the Commander in Chief all alone in his sights and, for some inexplicable reason, decided not to shoot him - I can't imagine why not), who made two fatal mistakes on Turd Mountain that day.

Knowing Morgan (the jackass, not the horse) was on the way he, logically, picked the nearest and highest pile of **** to encamp on but refused to build a latrine, er entrenchments for protection even though they had plenty of time (3 days due to rain per Fereling). Then, he claimed he could defend the mountain against, "God and all the rebels of hell" (Bennett, pg. 100) which is the archetypical and proverbial famous last words.

The battle itself was pretty one sided and any cow **** throwing teenage country boy from the Northeast Kingdom could have led the charge up the hill due to all the naturally occurring cover and the rebels promptly made Swiss Cheese out of English Muffins. **** for brains himself, apparently not believing what he was seeing and apparently still thinking the rebels were a bunch of Pillsbury Doughboys, led a charge directly into this onslaught and got capped by exactly seven musket balls - no more and no less - and anyone with half a brain could read the Divine Retribution in that Divine Number - like a blind man reading braille.

Another one of these ****heads, at the last battle in the Southern Arena at Guilford Courthouse, said almost exactly the same thing, word for word, but, instead of using 'God' he said 'Jesus Christ' and promptly died with two musket balls in his useless cranium.

Greene performed well at that last battle by choosing the location of the battle and the high ground and entrenching and waiting for the enemy to show up which exonerates Gates at Saratoga and Camden and implicates Arnie and George (and most establishment historians?) for treason. The militia was a little skittish (for obvious reasons thinking they might get sold out again) and fired their two volleys and  left and the battle itself was inconclusive but it certainly was not a giveaway.



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