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Topic: 25) The Battle of the Clouds

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25) The Battle of the Clouds


The Battle of the Clouds


The Battle of Brandywine by Frederick Coffay Yohn

The Battle of the Clouds It's not every day that a rainstorm gets a battle named after itself - in fact, I'm pretty sure its the only one on record - so you know darned well it's gonna be interesting. Well, it all started when the Brits **** canned Gage and put the Ass Howe from Bunker Hill in charge who gets a wild hair up his derriere (pardon mon Francais) about ringing the Liberty Bell in the city of brotherly love but George came and stood in his way at Brandywine (trying, no doubt, to get captured). So, he goes and kicks George out of the way but was so impressed that George stuck around at Warren's Tavern (told ya) that he figured he'd go double of nothing and heads down there to do it again.

Now, both men are trying to throw the war but they have to act like they are actually trying to win (on behalf of their own respective enlisted soldiers who don't know this as well as a few of the officers). George is trying to get Howe to capture him while Howe is trying to throw the war while making it look like he's trying to kick George's ass but without actually doing so cause, then, the war would be over and the London Lodge would have defeated the York Lodge.

To see and appreciate (if that's possible) the absolute bizarreness of the entire situation, it was this attitude of George of trying to throw the war by trying to get captured (specifically at Germantown) that actually led to the French joining our side thus ensuring our victory (says Fereling) because they thought ole George showed enough testicular fortitude to actually win the war. 

It's like the Keystone Cops being led by Inspector Clouseau and I doubt anyone but the British Crown will ever believe me.

So, anyways, Ass Howe faces off with George at Warren's Tavern and both sides get ready to Rock and Roll when a bad-ass rainstorm comes outta nowhere and soaks everyone and everything (i.e. gunpowder) in less than five minutes flat so the big end of the revolution battle was called off on account of rain.

I told ya the game was rigged, hey.

Ass Howe then goes and takes Phillie and gets relieved of his command by the Crown for his efforts and George, "inexplicably" decides to change his tactics at this time which Historians still can't explain (Fereling, pg. 246), and that is to start giving his men professional training to try and turn them into European-style soldiers. 

This, so more of them can be slaughtered at a whack standing out in the open like a bunch of sitting ducks instead of hiding behind cover which is the way a war of attrition is fought by the underdog - get it?


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