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Topic: 20) John Paul Jones

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20) John Paul Jones


John Paul Jones


John Paul Jones by Moreau le Jeune

John Paul Jones was a York Lodge Mason who had been initiated into the St. Bernard Lodge (the Saint, not the dog, but after reading this you may have some doubts). He started off the war by mopping the decks with the enemies Whigs around the shores of America in 76, capturing or destroying 21 enemy vessels of various sorts (Axelrod, pg. 307) and, no doubt, giving a much needed boost in the morale (and provisions) of America's troops so, what did Congress do but sideline him by sending him over to see his buddy Franklin in France, supposedly, for a fast ship which they then sold out from underneath him giving him, instead, a glorified barge to fight the Brits with (which he retrofitted into a Destroyer, if you will and named it in 'honor' of Franklin). 15

If up to this point, you had any doubts about the traitors in Congress (or in France), this should clear it up for ya. The only reason you would give your best Naval Officer a derelict in the middle of a war is if you want him to get killed or captured by the enemy. The Historians claim it is because Jones had made the other Officers envious but that is pure horse**** to cover over the fact that Congress (which was taking its orders from George and not those Naval Officers) was told to get Jones out of the Brits way cause he was decimating their supply lines to their troops.

So, anyways, true to form, they gave him a lemon so he made some lemonade and went off to see if he could sell some to the Brits to put in their tea. Well, they weren't having any of that, so he raided Whitehaven instead, personally spiking a few drinks, er, canons along the way (ibid, pg. 308) in the only American operation on English Territory during the entire war.

Well, you know how those Tea Totalers are, they didn't appreciate his hospitality any and commenced hunting the little **** down on the high seas and eventually cornered him in the channel.

But, I'm getting a little ahead of the ballgame.

Before that, he made sure his men pillaged a bunch of silverware from a British Lady's Mansion (her old man was, conveniently, in London at the time) and then, very heroically, bought the silverware back from his men so he could, then,  return it to said lady, showing up like a Gallant Knight in Shining Amour at her Threshold with the pillaged platter. 

That's because the Grail Romances were currently sweeping through the hearts of Noble Ladies all over Europe and, of course, the Grail was a serving platter of cornucopia proportions and, thus, Mr. Chivalry was vying for a little more than just a kiss on the cheek from a ravaging beauty - he was looking to raid the Apple Dumpling Shop!  You Dog!

Anyways, back to our history lesson...


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